What the Momma learned today

Its time to do the multiplication chart speed drill , you hear the moans begin somewhere deep in the pits of his belly , is it his ? Or is it yours ? He tosses his head from side to side , his eyes rolling off into the tiny spaces on the ceiling and the wall , and now back at you , he is  glaring at you with eyes no child should EVER give to a mother who bore him for 9 months , gave him life , rocked him in the pitch black , desolate nighttime hours , who walked him in the hallways while he had numerous ear infections , teething , colic , who held his hand as I walked him down the corridors of preschool , kindergarten , 1st grade , and now has unselfishly given him all hours of the day to homeschool him , and all I ask is that he do this multiplication drill withOUT the drama , And now the battle begins ...theres a war on , what is it really about ? Is the Holy Spirit telling me one thing and my son telling me another ,am I not listening , or is my son not listening?
Everyday it seems to be a battle , its just a multiplication speed drill chart , so why is it such a big deal ?
He cries , I yell , he yells , I cry , really. Then , it happened... Since we've started our new lap booking journey homeschooling has finally started coming together and making since ; heading to the Holy Spirit , was the best thing I ever could have done for this family ! Their attitudes have been nothing short of a divine intervention  a miracle that should have its own place in the Bible somewhere ! So at the end of our day yesterday , forgetting we didn't do the math speed drill , my son came to me and said " hey mom , I need to go do my speed drill !" WHAAAAATT ?? " My son sat down , did his speed drill and did it in the time allotted ! No complaining ...no way !
So what did I learn that sometimes we struggle with God in ways we don't even realize sometimes . In retrospect I see a mom who is so esteemed  by how her children perform , because we homeschool , I think I care to much about what others think , and I transfer that pressure on my children , and so when The Holy Spirit wants me to step back and ' let it " go in certain circumstances I think I fight for ....CONTROL ! oops , pardon the honesty coming out !!
I was so busy yesterday  doing what God had been trying to get me to do for so long that I forgot " myself  " , and the Holy Spirit was able to work !
Remember I said this was a journey , I'm figuring it out DAILY , I am nothing but an accidental homeschooler , an immature learner , but a child of God and a momma  on purpose !

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